


Relics

by the_city_on_the_edge_of_forever



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 10:03:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20226040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_city_on_the_edge_of_forever/pseuds/the_city_on_the_edge_of_forever
Summary: During the away mission on Nibiru, Spock was not transported out of the volcano in time and arrived in the Beyond. (In other words, Spock finally understood what the ultimate logic of the universe is.)





	1. Death

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Relics 遺骸](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10159172) by [Fengyang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fengyang/pseuds/Fengyang). 

The glaring white light caused his eyes piercing pain. His inner eyelids rapidly twitched to him some time to adjust to the blinding light.

Besides the glare, the thick fog around him greatly affected his vision as well. He looked around and noticed he was the only entity in this space.

“Welcome to the Beyond, Spock,” the voice of an old man rang behind him. He turned around, surprised that he did not hear the man’s footsteps.

The thick fog dispersed as he approached. Ambassador Spock stood under the white light, looking at him gently. He was wearing a white Vulcan robe, on which the only decoration was the Vulcan characters on his left chest.

“Ambassador Spock?”

The old man wore a curious expression, “This is what you see? An old version of yourself?”

Spock frowned, “You statement implied that you are not the person I see.”

“I am not,” he answered, “Your species is unable to understand the way our species exists, so when you feel our presence, the person you would like to see the most will be projected onto your mind.” His facial expression became curious again, “I have never met someone who had seen an older version of himself. At this time, the person you would like to see the most is actually yourself?”

The question was like a sharp knife stabbing through him. Spock felt his body became tightened. “Negative,” he answered, “but if this is the place as you have claimed, then it is logical to meet Ambassador Spock here.”

“Logic, yes, I have heard that your species embraces logic,” the elderly nodded.

“You know about my species?” Spock asked, trying to understand his identity, “Does it mean you are the one responsible to lead me to Vulcan to preserve my _katra_?”

“No, that is not the reason why I am here,” the old man shook, “I am here because I owed a debt a long time ago. I am here to pay it back.”

Spock looked at him in confusion, “Please explain.”

“My species once lived in the same dimension as yours, but as time passed, we evolved with our understanding of life,” he paused, “Just like all evolutions, only very few people evolved. The ones who did not evolve could not understand what we had experienced. They claimed that we were evil and persecuted us.” The alien, with the appearance of an elderly but with the true identity as an extraterrestrial life, explained, “When almost all of us were killed by their persecution, a starship named _Enterprise _passed by our planet, and provided us shelter.”

“I am under the impression that the _Enterprise_ did not complete this kind of mission,” Spock frowned slightly, “The _Enterprise_ I am assigned to is not the only ship named _Enterprise _in the Federation, perhaps you are referring to another _Enterprise_?”

“NCC-1701.” The alien said the Navy Construction Code, “The _Enterprise _you are assigned to was the starship that saved my species.”

“I am familiar with all the missions of the _Enterprise_, but I do not –”

“No offense, Spock, but the universe you know is too limited. Your logic cannot explain the entire universe,” the alien interrupted him, “Let’s talk about an issue of greater importance. My job is to help you face your death in peace. That is important to Vulcans, is it not?”

“Affirmative,” Spock nodded, “but since the cause of my death is logical, it will be unnecessary.”

“Like I said, the universe you know is only a very small part of the entire universe. Before we continue, you must try to put aside logic and follow your heart. At this moment, who is the person you want to see the most? It is very important that you know this.”

Spock lowered his eyes and looked at his science blue. It was in a shade of dark blue, just like the color of Jim’s eyes looking at him in his dimly-lit quarters. “Yes,” he said quietly, “there is one person. I wish to see him again very much.”

“I can see him,” the alien’s lip curled up, “I must admit, he who is in your mind is very different from him whom I remember.”

“You can _see _my thoughts?” Spock was surprised. Also as a telepathic species, his mental shields should have blocked all his thoughts.

“My species is capable of things you don’t even know of,” the alien looked amused, which is strange. Spock could never imagine himself showing such a facial expression, but when the alien performed it with his appearance, it did not look awkward at all.

“If you really have the abilities you claimed, then I hope to confirm my mate’s well-being after my death.”

“As you wish,” the alien replied delightfully. Thick fog encompassed him again.

***

Uhura leaned on Scott’s shoulder sobbing. Although Scott was patting her shoulder to comfort her, his eyes were full of tears as well.

In front of them, McCoy pursed his lips, his body trembling, bloodshot eyes were fixated on what was in front of him.

Spock turned around and saw several medical staff members in protection suits stood in the compartment which protected radiation leakage outside of the dilithium crystal reactor room. They were placing a body into a white bag.

The body had stiffened, which made the medical staff’s work not so easy. A hand dropped out before they zipped the bag. Spock’s pupils contracted abrupted as he recognized the hand.

He knew the hand: it had caressed his face with cherishment, as if he was the most precious treasure in the world.

He ran toward Jim and reached out, trying to prevent the medical staff from zipping the bag. That couldn’t be Jim: Jim was always energetic; the lifeless person lying inside couldn’t be Jim.

But his effort was futile. His hand went through the hand of the medical staff, who zipped the bag to the end. It seemed that she didn’t sense his presence at all.

“You cannot interfere with the natural progression of events,” the alien stood in his place and watched his actions, his countenance did not change at all, “You are dead, remember?”

“What happened?” After understanding he could only observe everything he saw but not interfere, Spock turned his head and asked heatedly. Among all the possibilities, he did not expect Jim’s death at all.

“The dilithium reaction malfunctioned when the _Enterprise_ was attacked. Without any protection, he fixed the reactor and prevented the doomed fate of the _Enterprise_.” The alien turned his gaze from the medical staff lifting the body out of the compartment to him, “I must admit, it was a very noble act. Although most people understand that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, but not everyone has the courage to sacrifice himself.”

“He is the Captain,” Spock challenged, “When the starship is attacked, he should be on the bridge, although he sacrificed himself for the _Enterprise_, what you have shown me is also illogical.”

“Logical or not, this is exactly what happened after your death,” the alien’s voice was calm, as if he was a patient adult educating a whining child, “When the malfunction happened, he was with the Chief Engineer. You know he can’t let the Engineer die, especially it was right after your death in the line of duty.

He emphasized “death in the line of duty.” Spock felt his heart twitched violently. “How long after my death?” He inquired, too eager to know the answer, although he didn’t even know what he was trying to accomplish by asking.

“Two days.”

A dulling pain extended from his heart to every corner of his body. This is an ending he never thought of. As a Starfleet officer, he knew what the uniform represented when he first stepped onto a starship.

But he never thought that this would be the ending for him and Jim. When Jim exchanged a look with him on the bridge, when Jim held a chess piece in his quarters, lowering his gaze and thinking, when Jim smiled at him sleepily in bed, he believed they would have many moments like these until they grew old.

Even when the alien announced his death, the idea that Jim would grew old did not fade for one second in his mind. He never thought Jim would die at such a young age. Ambassador Spock never mentioned when he lost his Jim, but he knew it was definitely not when they were both so young.

“You did not imagine he would die at such a young age, right?”

Spock stood there, forcing himself to look at the receding silhouettes of medical staff lifting Jim in the hallway. He could barely control his trembling voice, “Affirmative.”

“You know, he shouldn’t have died,” the alien followed his gaze, looking at the silhouettes of medical staff disappear behind the closing turbolift door, “In the correct timeline, you arrested the person responsible for this attack. McCoy created a serum from this criminal’s blood, which successfully cured his radiation damage.”

“Are you implying –”

The alien nodded with alacrity, “If you did not die in the line of duty on Nibiru, you would have overcome this hardship together, just like you have always been, perhaps with difficulty, but you will always find a way out.”

Vulcans had the ability to block the sensation of pain, but most people did not know that when the pain was above the threshold, they had no choice but to feel the pain.

Which was what he was now.

“He died, because of me.” Numbly, he spoke of the logical deduction, given the information the alien provided.

“This description is not quite accurate, since he was the one who decided to go in there and fix the reactor, but I guess to an extent, you can put it this way.”

“You claim that your job is for me to face my death, but you have shown me situations that would jeopardize your job,” his mental world was in chaos after witnessing Jim’s death. He held on tightly to his logic, otherwise the chaos would engulf him. “Why?”

“That is in your opinion,” the alien answered, “Your thinking is still restricted to linearity, but you must understand, the universe is not a never-ending line. Past, present, and future are meaningless. You, out of all people, should understand this. Ambassador Spock’s existence is the best proof.”

Ambassador Spock.

The word brought a brief clarity to his chaotic mental world, very brief, but it was sufficient. “In Ambassador Spock’s universe, Jim did not die at such a young age,” he looked at the alien, “Does this mean that there is a possibility for Jim to be alive?”

“You learn very fast,” the alien smiled in satisfaction. Everything was blurred again.


	2. Own

Spock looked around and realized he was at the Captain’s quarters. A blonde man laid on his side with his back toward Spock, head resting on his bent right arm. Spock could not see his face, but from the back of this figure, he could recognize immediately that this was the person he was looking for.

Jim.

He went forward to see his face clearly.

Outsiders believed that Captain Kirk of Starfleet was an undefeatable man. But only he knew Jim was an ordinary person too. The fact that he didn’t show vulnerability did not mean that he couldn’t feel.

He had heard Jim sobbing painfully in his quarters after he lost a crewman. At that time, they were not together yet. Out of concern, when Spock went to his quarters to ask if he needed help, the man’s composed countenance when he answered the door nearly made him believe that the sound of repressed sobbing was his illusion.

Nearly. Jim was exceptionally skilled in hiding his true feelings, but that night the reddened eyes and slightly nasal voice betrayed him.

It was one of the reasons why they become closer.

Spock walked to the bed. Unexpectedly, when he approached the bed, another thing attracted his attention.

There was a child curled up in Jim’s arm. His face was buried in Jim’s arms. Spock could not see his face, but from his slightly green skin tone and the pointed ears shown outside, he could determine that the child had Vulcan heritage.

Jim’s left arm was cradling the child, his chin leaning gently against his head, snoring lightly.

“Who is he?” He heard himself ask. Apart from that Vulcan children would not show such attachment to people other than their parents, the way Jim cradled the child asleep was so intimate that he could not be unrelated to Jim.

The alien walked to his side, “That is his son.”

“Is he –” He looked at the alien but did not even dare to finish the sentence. McCoy causally brought up that there were successful cases of Vulcan-human hybrid test-tube infants; perhaps the doctor successfully performed the same operation.

The alien shook, “No, he is not your child. In this timeline, you are already dead, remember?”

Spock pursed his lips.

“This is the child he adopted,” the alien continued, “He loves you, Spock. Even to him, you are the one who abandoned him, he still loves you. So when he found this child in an away mission, he immediately decided to adopt him, because this child resembles you.”

“Is he…” he hesitated, uncertain if he wanted to know the answer to his question, “Is he eventually liberated from the toll of my death?”

“That depends on how you define liberation,” the alien answered, “If you are asking if he eventually found another mate, then yes. This child convinced him that finding another guardian for him was logical. He loved the child very much, so he fulfilled his request.”

“Your statement implies he and his mate were not happy together.”

“No, you are wrong. He loved his mate. He was not you, but they had a happy life together. The man was with him until his death. He finally fulfilled his wish to have someone who loves him until his death.”

“But?” Sensing his implications, Spock asked.

“But that cannot change the fact that a part of him died with you. He loved that man, but he could not replace everything you went through together: these chess games in the evening, these predicaments you faced together. You know how important you are to him.”

“But I died,” he said painfully.

“Yes,” the alien did not refute him. He was so direct that it was almost cruel, “You died.”

He closed his eyes, unwilling to look at the man and the child lying on the bed. The two figures soundly asleep reminded him of what he had given up. “Let me leave this place.” Several seconds later, he opened his eyes again. They were back to their original space.

“You did not like what you saw,” the alien said definitely.

“I don’t want to hurt him, but you said that a part of him died with me,” he said hoarsely, “I can’t imagine how he accepted my death…” His voice faltered. Since his death, it was the first time he had a chance to ponder what death truly represented. In the past, when Jim was upset, he was the one to be there for Jim. He never thought of when he was gone, who would comfort Jim in these moments.

“After the Enterprise returned to Earth, he requested Pike for a long leave, and returned to his hometown Iowa.”

Spock looked at him with utter surprise, “He doesn’t like there.”

“Pain makes he feel he is still alive, and that place causes him pain.”

Spock knew that for a long time, his mate had a severe tendency of self-harm: drag-racing and causing affrays in pubs. An abused childhood caused Jim to be addicted in a dangerous lifestyle. He enjoyed the ecstasy of surging adrenaline until Admiral Pike convinced him to enlist in Starfleet, giving him a life goal.

“I believe Admiral Pike will help him through…” he paused, finally ended his sentence vaguely, “this period.”

Admiral Pike and Jim were like father and son. They had no familial or legal associations, but when Jim was in need, the Admiral would always offer him help in time.

“He did not the opportunity to do so,” Spock didn’t have time to ask why as the alien added, “He died, a day after your death, in an attach.”

Even though he knew he could not change anything, Spock instinctively thought of the significance of the attack he claimed.

After being relieved of the Captain of the _Enterprise_, the Admiral spent most of his time at the headquarters. This meant that unless the headquarters was attacked, the probability of the Admiral’s death in line of duty was very low.

“Assassination?” Spock asked. There were no indications of any forces conspiring an attack on Earth. The law of probability showed that it was more likely that the Admiral died from assassination than in line of duty.

“Interesting way of thinking,” the alien looked amused. At other times, Spock would protest that he should not read his mind without his permission, but the Admiral was a pivotal influence to Jim and the entire Starfleet. It was more urgent to know the exact reason of the Admiral’s death. Therefore, he only maintained silence and looked at the alien.

“Alright, if you really want to know, there was an explosion in an archive in London. The criminal attacked Daystrom conference room as Starfleet Command convened in emergency. Most of the officers who attended the meeting did not survive the attack, including Pike.”

Spock immediately realized the criminal’s actual target. After an attack, regulations required senior officers of Starfleet to convene in Daystrom conference room. The attack of the London archive was obviously a bait.

A very clever bait. And apparently the enemy was very familiar with Starfleet regulations. Spock frowned at its implication. Only officers ranking commander or above know that senior officers convene in Daystrom conference room. Did this imply a high-ranking officer mutinied?

“You know, you need to learn how to ask your questions out loud instead of figuring them out all by yourself,” the alien sighed, “but I think I can still answer your question. Yes, the criminal was a commander, but he did not mutiny. Admiral Marcus was the person he wanted to kill. Everything he did was to revenge him, and the others were collateral damage.”

Hearing the word, Spock squinted, “Jim will not agree with your statement.”

“I know,” the alien didn’t seem to mind at all, “This also answers your second question. After he learned of Pike’s death, he immediately returned to Starfleet and requested to arrest the criminal, who had escaped to Qo’nos. This would not have been a problem, but Marcus wanted to start a war with the Klingon Empire, so he secretly sabotaged the _Enterprise_ and forced it to remain in the neutral zone. When his true intention was exposed, he attempted to destroy the _Enterprise_,” he paused, “And you know the rest of the story.”

Jim died. Spock realized it was the story to which the alien referred. The image of his lifeless mate lying in the corpse bag emerged in front of him again. Spock remembered the alien told him how Jim fixed the dilithium reactor without any protection measures.

That was an excruciating way to die. When the reactor operates, the radiation emitted from reaction of matter and antimatter destroys molecular structures in cells, which is fatal to an adult in a short time.

He hated that he was not there.

“But you asked to see the timeline in which he survived, so the outcome was he successfully led the _Enterprise_ back to Earth and remained single until the child convinced him to find another mate,” the alien continued and drove away the image of Jim’s death.

“But it would have been a lifetime already,” Spock pointed out. The child that Jim cradled was very young. When he grew up, Jim would have remained single for dozens of years. In a human’s short lifetime, these years would have been endless for him.

“You can say so,” the alien did not disagree.

“If…” he spoke, heartbroken as he thought of the possibility, “If he had never been in love with me, would he be happy?”

If he were not there, perhaps someone else would. The alien mentioned the possibility of Jim together with other people. Perhaps he did not need to spend dozens of years in solitude.

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” the alien asked.


	3. Loss

He stood in a study. Jim sat at a desk a step away from him, skimming the document on the computer screen.

“Hey.”

A female voice rang. Spock turned to the source of this voice and saw a human female in pajamas standing at the door, smiling at Jim.

He did not know her, but apparently, she is of the same human race as Jim: fair skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes.

Jim tilted his head and smiled at her, “You woke up?”

“A bit cold,” the woman wrapped her pajamas tighter around her and walked to the desk. Jim turned his chair to her so she could sit on his lap.

Their movements were smooth and natural, as if they had done it thousands of times. Spock pursed his lips into a tight line, much troubled by the harmony of this scene.

“I’m sorry,” Jim tugged a strand of her blonde hair behind her ears, “I can’t fall asleep.”

“Try sleeping a little more with me, okay?” the woman quietly asked, “You sleep too little.”

“I –”

“Wait.” Spock turned to the alien beside him before Jim could answer and sharply pointed out, “He does not have insomnia.”

“His average sleeping time is 3.8 hours,” the alien’s gaze fell on the still couple.

“Negative, his average sleeping time is 7.2 hours.”

“You don’t know he has a history of insomnia, do you?” the alien looked amused. He turned to Spock, “You know he only used three years to graduate from the Academy.”

“Yes, but it is because he is brilliant.”

“The Academy houses the most talented students in the entire Alpha Quadrant. He is indeed brilliant, but he also works very hard,” the alien implied, “Spock, you know he does not expect to be protected because of his childhood experiences. You should know that he will not mention things that truly matter to him.”

Spock’s heart suddenly shriveled at his implication. He never thought Jim had sleeping problems. When Jim was together with him, he always slept at least seven hours except in emergency situations. He never thought the insomnia Jim had lightly brought up was so severe.

“He brought it up before…” he found it difficult to voice as his heart contracted acutely, “but I didn’t know…”

“There are a lot of things about him that you don’t know,” the alien pointed out.

“Yes,” Spock admitted. He turned around and again looked at his mate who no longer belonged to him. Jim’s hand was still lingering on the woman’s hair. His countenance was tender with affection as he gazed at her. Sometimes Jim gazed at him this way. When they started a relationship, he mostly expressed it in private, but in the recent few months, it had become more and more frequent in public places, such as the bridge.

“He loves you, Spock. You should notice how he looks at you. No species can hide the look toward their loved ones.”

Seven months again, just a month before he and Jim started a romantic relationship, Nyota told him so.”

He looked into the human’s eyes, but the crystal blue eyes no longer mirrored his reflection, and this Jim had bags under his eyes. He wondered if his Jim really had insomnia as the alien claimed, but he would never know now.

“In this universe, how are we related?” he heard himself ask.

The alien’s voice came from his back, “It is not easy to see him in love with someone else, right?”

Spock hoped he could answer him.

***

“How may I help you, Ambassador?”

Spock blinked and realized he was on the _Enterprise_’s recreation deck. Nyota stood beside him, reserved but politely asked him.

He quickly glanced around. Apparently, this was a reception dinner, because everyone was in dress uniform, and he was in a formal Vulcan robe.

“Ambassador?” Having yet to receive a reply long after, Nyota asked again. She became to sound perplexed.

He noticed Nyota’s gaze fall onto him. Although this time he no longer observed the situation, he did not know the alien had this ability, and did not know the alien could alter the past.

“Yes, I need to speak with Captain Kirk.” From the strangeness in Nyota’s voice, he deduced that he did not serve on the _Enterprise _in this universe.

“The Captain is there,” she pointed to the bulkhead near the hallway. Also in dress uniform, Jim was standing next to a long table full of food, talking to an Andorian commander.

Spock did not know the Andorian commander, but Jim knew him, of course. His posture was relaxed, sometimes touching him while talking, and laughed at what he said.

“Who is the commander talking to him?”

“That’s Commander Thelin, our First Officer,” Nyota sounded more confused, “You met him in the transporter room.” She looked at him with concern, “Ambassador, are you alright? You look distracted.”

“I am very well,” he assured her. He could see that Nyota did not believe him, but he had more urgent matters at hand, since he did not know how much time he would have until he had to go back to the mysterious dimension. He only regarded her politely, then walked toward Jim.

“Captain, Commander,” he interrupted their conversation.

Jim and Thelin looked at him, the smiles vanished from both faces.

“Ambassador, I hope you have enjoyed yourself this evening,” Jim’s relaxed posture immediately became cautious. He was still wearing a smile, but it was no longer heartfelt. McCoy had secretly joked that it was his work mode. He claimed that when he smiled like that he only needed to put a dog next to him, and then he could sing _Smiling Vulcan and His Dog_, becauseeven a Vulcan forced to smile smiled better than him. Before McCoy mentioned it, Spock had never heard of this nursery rhyme, but apparently this song was very popular on Earth, as when McCoy mentioned it everyone sang.

He still remembered the afternoon when the entire table sang with the doctor the nursery rhyme with highly illogical lyrics. When they finished a section, everyone laughed. Jim smiled and looked at him, his eyes incredibly blue when the lights in the mess hall refracted in his smiling eyes.

“Quite enjoyable,” Spock replied, then came right to the point, “May I speak to you alone?”

“Of course,” Jim answered. He turned and winked to Thelin, “Thelin, later?”

“Yes, sir,” Thelin and Jim exchanged a look, and both smiled.

Spock recognized this countenance. Jim called it an inside joke. When _he was_ the First Officer of the _Enterprise_, Jim also showed him this facial expression in these occasions.

Jim always disliked bureaucracy, so he was always particularly guarded to people who represented bureaucracy. In this case, the person was him, the Vulcan Ambassador standing next to him.

Jim disliked him. He painfully realized the fact.

Looking at his polite but distanced countenance, Spock found this Jim did not resemble his Jim at all, who complained to him how much he hated bureaucracy and his dress uniform too tight on their way to the transporter room to welcome any representatives.

“I have heard that you are skilled in three-dimensional chess,” for inexplicably reasons, he said.

As he expected, Jim looked surprised, just as the first time he invited his Jim to chess, “I do –”

His words were cut short abruptly, and everything around him stopped motioning. The alien appeared out of thin air in front of him, “You are trying to let him like you. Do you know what the consequence is?”

Spock looked at him, frowned at his implication, “Do you imply that he will fall in love with me?”

“Have you thought of why you are together?” the alien asked. Probability was the first answer that came to Spock’s mind, but the alien’s facial expression made him immediately realize that it was not the correct answer. The alien let out an imperceptible sigh, “Have you computed how low the probability is to fall in love with a specific person?”

Spock stopped computing after the eighth decimal place. Any events that are still zero at the eighth decimal place, of course, can be categorized as low probability events.

“Based on our mental compatibility, the probability that Jim dislikes me is also very low,” he refuted.

“That is a technicality. He loves you for who you are. When he really gets to know you, of course he will fall in love with you.”

“I am a Vulcan. Vulcans embrace technicalities,” Spock felt his mental world wavered as he claimed Jim would definitely fall in love with him.

“You hope he will love you? Even if he will suffer pain?” the alien asked.

His question successfully stopped Spock from refutation. The wavering mental world went silent again. Of course, he did not wish Jim to be suffer pain, but neither could he accept a universe where Jim did not love him.

“I thought at least we could be friends,” after a while, he answered.

“Your friendship with him provides the chance for him to fall in love with him,” the alien pointed out unceremoniously, “When he really gets to know you, it is inevitable that he falls in love with you.”

“Therefore, my choices are either to lose him or to never have him,” Spock cannot determine which one is worse: Jim loved him but had to mourn his death, or Jim never loved him.

“It was you who decided to die in the volcano.”

“I cannot violate the Prime Directive.”

“So you still think you made the right decision?”

Spock hesitated. His Vulcan half told him this was right, but his human half told him not to give up everything he had so easily.

“Yes,” he answered as he decided to side with his logic.

“What if I tell you that there is a third choice?”

Spock looked at him.

The alien showed an inscrutable expression, “Let go.”


	4. Let Go

Spock was about to ask him what he meant by “let go,” but the white light dispersed again, and he was standing on the bridge of the _Enterprise_.

Jim stood several steps away from him. He put down the PADD in his hand and spoke to McCoy, who stood in front of him.

Jim was wearing the command gold uniform, but McCoy was still in the diving suit he wore on the away mission on Nibiru. Spock inferred that this time the alien sent him to a timeline soon after his death.

Death.

When the word emerged in his mind, he immediately lowered his head. His nerves, which tightened when he recalled his death in the volcano, relaxed when he saw his shadow on the ground. The shadow implies the existence of his concrete form. This time he would not be forced to witness everything.

No, the alien had powers beyond this; he could also change what had happened.

He held out a hand. Commander’s stripes were sewed on his blue sleeves. Then he heard Jim’s voice.

“How’s Spock’s physical results?”

He put his hand down, knowing the only thing the alien had changed this time was his death.

“All normal,” McCoy answered, “I have permitted him to go back to duty.”

“Mr. Spock, do you think you can go back to your duty?” Jim looked at him.

Jim’s voice was strained, as if he was holding something up, and the tense muscle lines on his arms indicated the same. Spock knew he scared him. The possibility that the alien had shown him was clear. And Jim – using a proverb on Earth in pre-warp time – was holding himself back from the fight or flight instinct.

Except that in an age where the rate of technological development surpassed human evolution, fight or flight instinct was not applicable in many occasions, including this one.

“I am functioning well,” he assured him, hoping it could calm his nerves. He needed to speak to Jim privately, both as his First Officer and his mate, since it was inappropriate to discuss his experience in the volcano in a public place like the bridge.

“Very good,” Jim looked down and signed his name on the PADD document and handed it to a yeoman standing aside.

“There is something I need to announce,” Jim raised his voice, calling the attention of all personnel on the bridge. He went to the side of his chair and pressed the comm button to the entire ship, “Attention, crew of the _Enterprise_,” he spoke, “I believe you have realized that we have violated the Prime Directive in our rescue mission.” He paused, “Starfleet regulations clearly states that the Prime Directive cannot be violated. I have violated the Prime Directive, and I have noted in my log that this is solely my decision, and the crew of the _Enterprise_ is not responsible.”

“Captain –” Spock spoke. He was not sure what Jim was going to say, but both logic and instinct told him that what he would say may cause irrevocable damage.

“Let me finish,” Jim held up a hand, gesturing him to stop, “Meanwhile, during the rescue mission of Commander Spock, I allowed my personal feelings interfere with my decision-making, which violated Regulation No.619. I now relieve myself from command.” He turned to the doctor, “Please note the time and date in the ship’s log.”

“You’re out of your mind, Jim,” McCoy walked to Jim’s side and growled, “Do you know what you are doing?”

“Trust me, I know,” Jim lowered his voice as well, but Spock still heard his words, “Just – do as I say, alright?” He patted the doctor’s arm, raised his head and looked at him, “Spock, she’s yours. Take care of her.” He paused, “Security.”

The two security officers standing beside the turbolift anxiously stepped forward. Jim smiled, “Would you mind escorting me to the brig?”

“Captain,” Spock spoke, but Jim interrupted him again.

“You are the Captain, Spock.”

“Then, as Acting Captain, please allow me to change the location of your detention to your quarters, which is more comfortable,” he suggested. This was an enormous mistake. After he explained everything to Jim, he was sure all mistakes would be corrected.

“You are the Captain,” Jim said briefly, and did not object again.

Spock looked at him and the security officers walked into the turbolift. McCoy cursed under his breath, then quickly entered the turbolift as well.

Spock looked around. Except for the low hum of operating machines, the entire bridge was deadly silent. Everyone was shocked and distressed.

“Commander…” Chekov broke the silence, “Does zis mean the Keptin is no longer the Keptin?”

“I will try the best I can to prevent it from happening,” Spock promised. Jim belonged to the bridge of the _Enterprise_. He would not let Jim give everything up so easily.

Hearing his answer, the young ensign relaxed.

“Mr. Sulu, you have the bridge.” Spock turned around and entered the turbolift after hearing the affirmative response.

He needed to speak to Jim and correct all the mistakes. Not one moment later.

The turbolift quickly descended to the deck where the Captain’s quarters was located. Spock stepped out, and he was content that although it was a detention, no one actually considered Jim as a prisoner, so his quarters was not guarded.

He stood at the closed door, straightened the hem of his tunic, which was slightly rumpled from walking. He did not know where his anxiety came from. He could walk in there directly, since Jim gave him permission a long time ago. Considering that they had been sleeping together for the past 3.8 months, it was too inefficient to ask for permission to enter the Captain’s quarters every time.

As he reached out and was going to press the door button, the door slid open. A stern McCoy walked out.

“Now you’re happy,” seeing him, McCoy growled, “You just chose to let yourself die there. What do you think will happen?” he asked pointedly, “_Of course_ he will do everything to save you.”

“To which I am immensely grateful.”

“Do you know what the hell this means?” McCoy was totally instigated. The door closed after him. Spock did not doubt at all the furious doctor would assault him.

“Yes,” he said calmly.

The answer pulled McCoy up short. “You really know?” he asked in doubt.

“I also know it is a mistake. I am here because I must correct it.”

The doctor squinted and sized him up, as if he was determining if he was telling the truth. After a while, he spoke slowly, “Whatever you do, don’t upset him again. He’s been through a hell lot today.”

After Spock nodded as a promise to him, the doctor finally gave his way to the door. With nobody standing in his way, he reached out to the door button. The door slid open. The dim light in the room made him unable to see clearly for a second.

He walked into the room; the closing door shut out the light from the hallway. 0.52 seconds later, he finally adjusted to the dimness of the room.

It was quiet. If the doctor did not walk out of here just now, he would believe that Jim was not in his quarters. Then, he heard water splashing in the bathroom.

He walked into the bathroom and found Jim washing his face at the sink. He had taken off his tunic but was still wearing the uniform pants and boots. Bending down, his tired posture concur with those the alien had shown him in the other timelines.

“You should be on the bridge,” noticing him, Jim straightened and took a towel beside him to dry his face.

As he retracted his hands, the faucet stopped running. Spock almost shivered as the sound of running water abruptly stopped. He also had the illusion that something else ended with the flowing water as well.

He stepped forward and wanted to touch Jim, but the refusal Jim implied through his body language was obvious. Spock stopped there once more.

“I must speak to you,” Spock said, noticing some droplets were still at the corner of Jim’s lips. The human’s lips looked incredibly moistened. He once thought he would never have the chance to look at him again.

But Jim was just one step away from him.

“We do need to talk,” Jim clenched his jaw, his muscles tense, “I want to know –” his spoke very slowly, “Why did you choose to die in that volcano?”

It took Spock a second to remember the reason why he chose to die in the volcano, “The Prime Directive –”

“That’s the only reason?” Jim asked, “Because the Prime Directive cannot be violated, you would rather die to uphold the Directive?”

“Which is a quality expected of all Starfleet officers,” Spock answered.

“Yeah,” Kirk mumbled. Spock saw his arm muscles tightened even more. “Even if you were given a second chance, you would still choose to die there, and uphold the Prime Directive at the cost of your life, isn’t it?”

Spock looked at him and vaguely perceived he was making an enormous mistake. Jim was very upset, but he suspected he could not wait until he calmed down, “Jim, when I was in the volcano –”

“Spock,” Jim interrupted him. His furious and agonized expression quickly vanished, “We should break up.”

His words were completely unexpected to Spock. Their relationship had been stable. He never thought Jim would make such a request, especially it was just after he recovered what he had lost, “Please let me explain –”

“I think I’ve listened to enough logic today,” Jim pursed his lips, “I can’t go on like this, Spock. I can’t be with someone who gives up his life so easily.”

“Your assumption is incorrect. The biological instinct of a living being is to pursue a long and prosperous life.”

“I know,” Jim smiled, but his eyes were not smiling, “But I can’t, Spock. I need more. I spent so much effort to be who I am now, I can’t risk losing it all.”

Initially, Spock didn’t understand what he meant. But then he remembered Jim had mentioned he nearly went astray. He remembered all these Jim in different timelines, even when accompanied, always looked so sad and lonely.

So, this is what it meant to let go.

The next second, Jim vanished. Spock looked around and found himself again in the dimension.

“It is you.” He looked at the alien and painfully realized that when he let him go back in time, he already knew the outcome.

“Yes,” the alien admitted, “My job is to let you have no regrets. You do not wish to die, do you? I do not understand why you would object to the development of this timeline. It is deducted from your logic.”

“Jim wished to terminate our romantic relationship,” he replied, his heart twinged with pain as he thought of Jim’s facial expression when he asked to break up.

“It is logical. He violated the Prime Directive to save you, and he bore the responsibility. As the consequence of your own decision, he asked to terminate your romantic relationship, and you should also bear this responsibility.”

“This is not how it ends for us,” he denied instinctively.

“You abandoned him, Spock. If you had not noticed, too many people in his life have abandoned him. It is expected that he asked to terminate your relationship.”

“I did not –” the corner of his eye twitched as he said the word, “— abandon him.”

“You chose to die in that volcano, did you not?” the alien looked at him, “His father chose to sacrifice his life to save the crew of USS _Kelvin_; his mother and brother chose to leave without him;” he paused, “you chose to sacrifice your life to uphold the Prime Directive. Spock, you have made your decision. Now, he has made his.”

“I did not know that I would lose him by making this decision.”

The alien nodded, “Yes, just as he did not know that when he decided to let you go into that volcano, you would die there. Have you thought of how it would feel? To kill the person who you hold most dear?”

“But I did not die.”

“Because he violated the Prime Directive to save you,” the alien answered, “this is a paradox.”

If what he had was only destined to lose, if all the possibility he saw was the relics of everything he and Jim had before…

“Why did you show them to me?” he asked, his metal shields teetered because of all these possibilities.

“I have informed you that my mission is to let you face your death in peace.”

“How can I?” he questioned, “in every universe you showed me, Jim and I were never happy. How can I face my death in peace?”

“Are you sure that you had never been happy in your relationship?” the alien quietly answered with the question.

Spock stared into emptiness.

He was standing in a torrent, every stream flowing past was a memory of his.

The looks they exchanged on the bridge with tacit understanding, the upward curl on Jim’s lips during their chess matches in the evening, the warmth and intimacy in the morning.

He was indeed happy.

“It is in the past,” his mental shields suddenly crumbled, “In every universe you showed me, Jim was not happy. How can I leave this world?”

“He was not. As I have told you, when you died, a part of him died with you. You could not accept it, so I showed you the universe in which you never met, and you could not accept it either,” the alien sighed, “Spock, your world is structured by logic. Perhaps you should think: if there exists true logic in the universe, then what will it be?”

If there exists true logic in the universe…

He looked up and bored into the alien’s eyes. These were his eyes. When he met Ambassador Spock from another universe for the first time on the hangar, the Ambassador spoke to him with these eyes.

“Spock, in this case, do yourself a favor. Put aside logic. Do what feels right.”

He put aside logic, and let his human half tell him the answer.

The Ambassador raised his hand in the ta’al and wished him good luck. Jim laughed, then leaned over and gave him a kiss.

If there exists true logic in the universe, then they are destined to be together on the bridge.

All the universe where James T. Kirk and Spock never met, never fell in love with each other are false. He realized now.

“I love him,” he closed his eyes and shielded everything else, because at this moment, only one logic is true and eternal, “just as he loves me.”

They belong with each other. That is the true logic of the universe.

“Yes,” the alien was smiling as he spoke, “of all the universes I visited, you have different lives, but you always cross paths and fall in love with each other.”

“The ones you showed me –”

“Are the wrong timelines. Timelines collapse because of mistakes. For example, in one timeline, you decided to betray your Captain based on logic, which caused Earth and Vulcan enslaved by another species for hundreds of years.”

Spock’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You believed your decision would bring peace, but it only brought destruction. It was because you betrayed what you should not,” the alien paused intentionally, “your heart.”

Perhaps that is why in every universe, there exists the relics of the love he once had. Their love is so true, so strong that even death cannot do them apart.

“_T’hy’la_,” he said, as he realized what Jim represented, “He is my _t’hy’la_, is he not?”

The ancient literature of Vulcan recorded the indestructible bond, When the mates fell in love with each other’s soul, it would change them fundamentally. Therefore, no matter how time or space changes, they could not break the _t’hy’la_ bond.

Including time and death.

“I cannot answer your question, since only the person involved can determine the _t’hy’la_ bond.”

“Then, please tell me: if I never chose to give up my life, when the time comes, can our bond prevent him from being abandoned by fear?”

“I think you know the answer,” the older man did not answer him directly, but his facial expression said it all.

Spock looked into his eyes. The fog evaporated. His reflection was crystal clear in the pair of deep brown eyes. “Take me back,” he requested, knowing it is the correct decision, “back to the time when I was rescued. This time, I will correct all the mistakes.”

“Are you certain this is what you want?” the older man inquired.

Spock nodded firmly, “Very certain.”


	5. New Life

The transmission beam disappeared in front of him. The environmental suit still radiating heat from the high temperature in the volcano fogged heavily as it met the cold air. That severely hindered his vision, but Spock still recognized that he was back to the _Enterprise_’s transporter room.

“Spock!” The door to transporter room slid open, Jim, still in his diving suit, ran toward the transporter pad, his breath ragged after running, “Are you okay?”

Just as he was going to answer, two crewmen started to spray coolant on him. Spock blinked as a reflex, his helmet froze into a thin layer of ice in a few seconds because of the coolant. “Affirmative,” he answered. After the crewmen stopped spraying the coolant, he took off his helmet. Jim apparently looked more relaxed. Spock stepped toward him, “Captain, I need to speak to you,” he looked at the crewmen around them, “in private.”

Jim looked quite surprised of his request, but Spock knew he must inform him his thoughts immediately.

He learned from past experiences that waiting for the appropriate time is not always the best decision.

“Of course,” Jim seemed perplexed, but still accepted his request. A droplet dripped from his blonde hair along his face. He used the back of his hand to wipe it off. “How about in the equipment room? We need to change anyways.”

Spock nodded, “That would be acceptable.”

They walked into the equipment room, which was not far away from transporter room. The door closed after them, giving them a private space. Spock put his helmet on an empty table, and held Jim in his arms as he turned around to look at him.

He could hear Jim briefly gasped in surprise.

He took a deep breath and smelled the combination of salty seawater and pungent sulfur.

Metal closets reflected their figures, but Spock did not need to see his loss of emotional control to know how inappropriate his behavior was in this situation.

He should let go of his Captain so that they could take off the specialized suits, and report to him his duties after they changed back to their uniforms. That is the appropriate behavior of a starship First Officer. But it was extremely difficult to so. His metal shields were completely destroyed; he was confused and frightened as in childhood.

“I’m so sorry,” Spock murmured, holding his mate whom he lost and got back again.

Fear, confusion, loneliness. His sudden death let him believe that this was the entirety of his life: he would have had a mate, but yet to established a bond; his body would be preserved by the coolant mechanism, but his _katra_ gone forever as his body froze in solidified lava.

To some extent, such a way of death violated all Vulcan philosophies. Vulcan philosophy embraced spiritual far more than corporal completeness. But when death came, he only had his logical but empty soul.

Then it was Jim. His Captain, his mate, his _t’hy’la_. Jim who sacrificed himself for his crew, Jim who held a Vulcan child asleep by himself, Jim who could not fall asleep even lying in bed, Jim who grieved because he chose to die. His death occurred in seconds. He could not even recall what transpired between the coolant mechanism reset and his arrival to the dimension. But when he was forced to witness his mate facing everything in loneliness, eternity was the only thing he could define.

He knew Jim did not lack the ability to face it.

But being able to face it did not mean he must.

The shocked human who struggled in reflex stopped, “Spock, are you alright?” Jim sounded confused.

“I am functioning well,” he answered, chastising himself silently of neglecting his duties in every one of his roles, and forced himself to let go of the human in his embrace. He was certain that his environmental suit would cause the human discomfort, but using all his will, he only let go a little.

Jim struggled again, and Spock instinctively tightened his embrace, not letting the mate he nearly lost leave again.

“I don’t know, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I assure you I am quite well,” Spock repeated, trying to reestablish his mental shields, which was very difficult. Since the first time he learned how to establish metal shields, the always-existing shields was now only shattered pieces. He trekked through the remains, trying to find anything he could use to shield.

“You don’t look like you’re okay. I’m worried, Spock,” said Jim.

Triggered by his motion, the shattered pieces rolled under his feet. He ducked his head and saw a 3D chess piece lying beside his foot.

Jim laughed, the eyes looking at him across the chessboard full of affection, “I think we can worry about that chess piece later, Commander, because now I only want to kiss you.”

He bent down, picking up relics from the remains of his memory.

His logical mind started to operate again. Spock let go, “Jim, we must return to Earth immediately.” He quickly explained the alien he encountered in the volcano, and the attacks on London and San Francisco headquarters, but he did not mention why the alien revealed the information.

These experiences were too personal. The destroyed mental shields left him feeling completely vulnerable and helpless, and the pain which his beloved could have endured was still clear in his mind.

“We will return to Earth,” after he said so, Jim spoke carefully, “I will need a complete report, but before that, I want you to go to sickbay.” Spock wanted to tell him that he needed meditation rather than a regular physical exam, but Jim’s facial expression stopped him. “Just to… reassure me, okay?”

Spock nodded.

“Good,” Jim smiled at him half-heartedly, and turned to the communication panel on the wall, “Kirk to bridge.”

“Sulu here,” his voice came from the comm.

“Mr. Sulu, increase to maximum warp, we need to return to Earth as soon as possible.”

“Aye aye, Captain.”

“Kirk out.” Jim ended the comm and turned to him, “Even at maximum warp, we need eight hours to get to Earth,” as he spoke, he walked toward Spock, “You’ll have enough time after the physical to meditate. You need to meditate, right?” He asked, and continued after he received an affirmative response, “I’ll be on the bridge to check the sensor records again and see if short range scanning found anything. It was only ninety seconds from when your comm went out until we transported you back. If I need to accuse a Starfleet Admiral of treason, I need all the evidence I can collect.”

“That is acceptable,” Spock answered.

Jim gave him a small smile. He pressed his right hand onto his left, using this pivot to tiptoe, and gave Spock a kiss quickly against the barrier of the bulky environmental suit, “And, welcome back, Spock.”

He retreated and walked out of the equipment room before Spock could day anything.

Spock stood there, still feeling the wave of affection and relief during the human’s contact for less half a second. These complex emotions were more real than all the galaxies to which he had travelled. The door closed again. Spock looked at the metal door that blocked Jim from his sight, and remembered in hindsight that Jim forgot to change from his diving suit.

***

Spock opened his eyes and saw Jim in his command gold again, sitting cross-legged on his bed and reading his PADD with rapt attention.

He stood up, and the rustle disturbed Jim. The human in bed put down his PADD. In the dimly-lit quarters, his eyes gazing at Spock was especially bright, “Bones told me there’s nothing he could do except for lowering your adrenaline level,” his voice became concerned, “Do you feel better now? We are two hours from Earth, and I can let a healer stand by at the HQ.”

“That would be unnecessary. I require deep meditation, but no immediate harm has been done.”

“If you insist,” Jim answered, his posture slightly relaxed. He patted the empty space beside him. Spock walked over and sat next to him.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you more time to recover to your optimal level, but your accusation is felonious, and I need as much information as possible before reporting to Pike.” Jim leaned on him and picked up him PADD again. He showed the documents to Spock, “Chekov went over the sensor records. There were several energy fluctuations, but they can’t prove there is an alien life with you in that volcano.” Jim turned his head and looked at Spock, “Can you make an oral report now? If not, I can go back to the bridge now and give you some time to yourself. I can read your written report while listening to your oral report later.”

“An oral report now would be preferable,” Spock looked into the human’s blue eyes. Jim was worried; Spock could sense it from his facial expression and his emotions through their skin contact. “Jim,” he spoke, the still incomplete mental shields made him feel bare, but he knew that in front of him, in this room, at this moment, he needed not to worry, “The alien not only showed me the impending attack. He also showed me something…” he spoke more slowly as he hesitated, “very personal.”

“Personal?” Jim asked as he sat straight, his countenance solemn.

Spock wished he were still in his arms. “Yes, these experiences are of a highly personal nature. I wish they can be omitted in the official report, if possible.”

“If it’s something I must report if I know it,” Jim said immediately, “then I’d better not know it.”

“No,” Spock quickly assured him, “No, it is not. I promise it has no effect on the Federation’s safety,” He quickly explained. The human who chose to protect him without hesitation looked at him firmly, and chased away the confusion and anxiety in his mind. “But I wish to let you know.”

“If you really think so,” said Jim.

***

“What I don’t understand is,” after Spock described his experience in the volcano, Jim asked, “Why did he do this?”

“He claimed that the _Enterprise_ offered help to his species when they were in need.”

“I know, but…” Jim frowned slightly, “Why it’s you? Why now?”

“I do not know,” Spock answered honestly.

Jim sighed, “Okay,” he wiped his face, “Anyway, I’m glad you’re alright.” Then he sat still and remained silent. Spock was quiet too, waiting for him to take everything in. A few seconds later, Jim raised his head again, “I know not every relationship will have a happy ending,” he said quietly, “I had many of them, Spock, but they never felt so…” his voice became even quieter, “_real_.”

Spock opened his arms, and his mate hugged him back. As Starfleet officers, they had many duties and responsibilities, including the rescue of those lives possibly lost in the terrorist attack. But Spock thought that until they reached Earth, in this short period of time, they could just be Jim and Spock, two people loving each other and nearly lost each other.

“I won’t say I’ve never thought we might break up. I mean, I’ve never had a relationship longer than two months before this one,” Jim laughed briskly besides Spock’s ear, “But I haven’t thought so for a long time. I turn my head on the bridge and see you at your science station. Then I will think, “Hey, why not? Perhaps we can really make it this time.”

“Vulcan culture does not encourage short-term romantic relationships.”

Jim put his weight on Spock, “I know, but as you see, we still can mess it up.”

“That is not our universe,” Spock answered. When Jim mentioned this possibility, he finally realized what the answer was, “Just as Ambassador Spock and his Captain have different experience from ours, the Jims and Spocks in other universes do not represent you and me.”

Jim laughed quietly, “There’s nothing unchangeable, right?”

“Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.”

Jim slightly tilted his head and planted a kiss on Spock’s cheek, “Then I hope –”

The intercom rang and interrupted his words. Jim spoke in frustration, “Kirk here.”

“Captain, ETA ten minutes to arrive in Solar System,” Sulu reported.

“The Commander and I are coming now, Mr. Sulu,” Jim answered and turned off the intercom, and gave Spock a genuine smile, “Come on, Commander, let’s hope we don’t mess this up.”

Spock raised his eyebrow, and straightened the hem of his tunic as he got off bed, “Yes, Captain.”

***

Not surprisingly, Admiral Pike was furious that Jim violated the Prime Directive, but Jim’s honesty somewhat appeased him. Their report quickly diverted the Admiral’s attention.

The mission of finding the criminal was very difficult at first, because they did not know which archive would be bombed. Fortunately, they stopped Admiral Harewood in the last minute and successfully captured Khan several blocks away from the Kelvin Memorial Archive.

“You should include in your report that he is a genetically enhanced human,” Jim made a face as he saw the casualty caused by Khan’s arrest, “Did he really killed a squad alone?”

“I did not know his true identity, Captain,” Spock raised his eyebrow.

“I know, it’s just…” Jim put down his PADD, “Sorry Spock, I think I just need sometime to take in the fact that we just put an Admiral on court marital. Even for me it’s too crazy.”

After Khan’s arrest, everything became easier. Except for the initial resistance, the genetically enhanced human was very cooperative after knowing the Federation’s intentions. The information he provided helped investigators find the _Revenger_ on the Jupiter Space Station, as well as the other 72 genetically enhanced human beings hidden in photon torpedoes.

As expected, Admiral Marcus was accused of treason for his plan to start a war with the Klingon Empire.

As the people who started the investigation, besides Admiral Pike, Jim and Spock must be present on the court as witnesses.

Since he had to attend another meeting, Pike left before the court session ended. Spock and Jim walked out of the court after the session was over. Unexpectedly, Spock saw the woman married to Jim in another universe standing in the hallway, talking to Admiral Marcus’s lawyer.

“Captain, are you acquainted with that woman?”

Jim casually casted a glance to her, then quickly looked back, “I don’t think so,” he looked at Spock curiously, “Why? You know her?”

“In one of the universes the alien showed me, she is your wife.”

Jim opened his eyes wide in disbelief, “She?” He quickly turned his head and looked at her again, this time paying more attention to her. She just finished talking to the lawyer, her face wet of tears, but she looked furious.

“Idiot,” she cursed as she walked to the checkpoint, “I knew he will get himself into trouble one day, and what did he tell me?”

She strode and stomped her feet heavily on the floor every step, which echoed loudly in the closed hallway.

Jim made way for her the second before she bumped into him. She didn’t stop; instead; instead she was still cursing while walking to the checkpoint at the end of the hallway.

“Okay, this is so weird,” Jim looked at her back and murmured, “But I think I can see why I would like her. She’s so hot.”

“Her name is Carol,” Spock told him evenly.

“I thought you said you didn’t know her name,” Jim looked at him in perplexion.

“I did not know, but she said before she passed the checkpoint, ‘There’s nothing to worry about, Carol. Then? Ha! He put himself into military court!”

Jim made a weird face. “Spock,” he spoke slowly, “Are you _jealous_?”

Spock raised his eyebrows, “A Vulcan would not act in such an illogical manner,”

Jim shrugged, “If you insist.” He patted Spock’s arm, “Come on, Spock, we need to go.”

Spock followed his captain through the hallway. The officer at the checkpoint returned their communicators back to them. After they got their communicators back, Jim did not take Spock to the turbolift; instead, he chose the stairs.

“Captain?” Spock asked when they were walking down the limestone stairs.

“Apart from its use, it’s really beautiful here,” Jim raised his head, looking at the paintings on the wall, “Fascinating, isn’t it? How much humans can achieve?”

“Human culture and arts are praiseworthy,” Spock agreed.

“I wish this is sufficient. Fear and hatred will only bring destruction. It is alliance which has helped us become who we are today.”

“Are you referring to Admiral Marcus?”

They arrived at the bottom of the stairs. The automatic doors slided open for them. Jim walked towards sunlight, and Spock followed him out of the building, noticing that it was a garden.

“Perhaps,” Jim answered ambiguously. He took off his hat and closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of sunshine on his face.

Initially, Spock thought the golden light was the sunshine refracted on his metal rank stripes; then he realized it came from Jim’s blonde hair.

Inner eyelids successfully protected Spock’s eyes from glaring sunlight, so Spock did not move away his eyes from Jim. He looked at the human, who was bathing in the sunshine and with his lips turning slightly upwards.

Jim looked very relaxed and joyful. He seemed to have already left the negative impact of the prolonged trial in the building when they walked into the garden.

He opened his eyes, the curl on his lips grew wider when he saw Spock, shaping into a real smile; his blue iris was especially bright under the refraction of sunlight.

“I’m glad things didn’t get worse.”

Spock walked over to him, letting his silhouette to be the only reflection in Jim’s eyes, “I have the same conclusions.”

Jim laughed and raised his fingers to kiss him in the Vulcan way, “I think we’d better return to the ship. The transporter room is waiting for us.”

Spock nodded and stood still next to him. Jim donned his hat again and turned on his communicator, “Kirk to Enterprise,” he turned his head and smiled at Spock before they were locked onto transporter beams. Without the dazzling sunlight, the love in his eyes was unmistakable. “Two to beam up.”

+1

Many years later, when Spock first saw the alien persecuted by his kind because of his mutation, he finally realized why the alien came to him when he was in the Nibiru volcano many years ago.

“We must assist them,” Spock insisted to his Captain, his mate.

“That would violate the Prime Directive,” Jim scowled and hesitated whether he should accept the alien’s request for asylum.

“The Enterprise should grant them asylum, Captain. It is more important than a planet. It is the beginning of a new civilization.”

Because of Spock’s rare insistence, Jim was finally persuaded by him. They granted the aliens asylum. The aliens left their bodies and transformed into life forms of pure energy.

“How can I pay you back?” the pure-energy-turned life form asked him through telepathy. With his transformation, he no longer needed a language to communicate, but Spock could still feel from his thoughts the harm done to him by chronic persecution.

Different from the alien he met years ago, this new life form still reserves uncertainty and fear for this world.

“You do not need to repay us,” Spock showed his memory in Nibiru volcano to him, “the reason I am able to help you is that you helped me before.”

“I don’t have the ability you showed me,” the life form drifted in confusion, “and it was many years ago. I couldn’t have helped you.”

“You will soon realize that the universe is not what you’ve known it to be,” Spock explained. He became gentler as he thought of Jim’s reaction when he knew he and the alien switched their places. “I know you do not believe what I said, but one day you will see that I am right.”

The anger from his persecution and the bewilderment in his new life attacked him. Spock knew it was not his fault. He was full of fear and confusion, just like he once was.

Spock conveyed consolation to him, and his bond with Jim protected him from the disturbance from the alien’s emotions. “You fear, and you have reasons to do so. But I guarantee you, it is unnecessary.”

“I’m unable to do what you have shown me,” the life form answered with trepidation, “What if I mess up?”

Spock nearly smiled at the question. Many years ago, Jim asked the same question, but it turned out his concern was unnecessary.

“This is not what you have to do,” he answered, “This is just a possibility.”

“A possibility?”

“Yes, it is one of the possibilities of who you can be, but it is not you. Only you can decide who you will be.”

The life form of pure energy seemed to shine brighter. Jim looked at Spock questioningly.

Boundless possibilities reflected from the human’s eyes. Spock looked into his t’hy’la’s blue eyes, knowing it was where everything would begin.

***

“What did you say to him?” That night, Jim asked Spock in their cabin out of curiosity.

“General Order 1,” Spock didn’t answer the question, “It precedes all other orders, thus it is called the Prime Directive.”

“Yes.” Jim had a mysterious look.

Spock raised an eyebrow, “Jim?”

“Nothing, go ahead.”

“Before we bonded, you often complained I was too inflexible,” Spock continued as his mate opened the covers and climbed into bed.

“Until the strange alien in the volcano opened up your mind –” Jim halted, “It’s him?”

Spock nodded and climbed into bed from the other side.

“Wow,” Jim let himself sink into the pillow, still looking surprised. After a while, he laughed, “I guess nothing is impossible, right?”

Spock covered him and wrapped his beloved mate in his arms, “He taught me the ultimate logic of the universe, the Prime Directive of everything.”

“And that is?” Jim stopped laughing, but he was obviously amused. He opened his arms to return Spock’s embrace; every inch of their touching skin radiated love.

Spock lowered himself and kissed his beloved, “You are my ultimate logic in this universe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Note  
1 The prototype of the courthouse is the Boston Public Library. [Photo source](https://graphicarts.princeton.edu/2015/06/26/boston-public-librarys-print-collection/)  

> 
> 2 In general, General Order 1 is the highest order. In situations when regulations contradict each other, General Order 1 must take precedence. But in fact, in the 23rd century, the Omega Directive is legislated to take precedence over General Order 1. However, only officers ranked Captain and above have the security clearance to Omega Directive.


End file.
